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published October 2009

CL Bledsoe is the author of two poetry collections, _____(Want/Need) and Anthem. A third collection, Riceland, is forthcoming this fall. A chapbook, Goodbye to Noise, is available at Right Hand Pointing. A mini-chap, "Texas," is forthcoming from Mud Luscious Press. He has fiction recently in The Pedestal, Pendeldeyboz, and Hobart. His story "Leaving the Garden," published in Wheelhouse, was selected as a Notable Story of 2008 by Story South's Million Writer's Award. He's an editor for Ghoti Magazine. He blogs at Murder Your Darlings.

Watch

by

  1. Take this watch.
  2. Weigh it.
  3. Open it, using what­ever tools are at hand, such as a small screwdriver.
  4. If you don’t have a screw­driver, try a but­ter knife.
  5. Be care­ful that you don’t scratch the back of the watch – this would lessen its resale value.
  6. If you have no but­ter knives, and you own pets, tie a small string around the back of the watch.
  7. Immobilize the watch using a vice grip.
  8. If you are con­cerned about dam­ag­ing the watch, you may opt to place some­thing heavy on top of it, such as a pile of dictionaries.
  9. Tie the other end of the string to the pet.
  10. If the pet is a cat, open a can of cat-food in the other room.
  11. If the pet is not a cat, buy a cat.
  12. Repeat above instructions.
  13. This will cause the cat to come run­ning, and much like tying a string around a tooth and quickly open­ing a door, the watch-back will be removed.
  14. You’ll expect springs, there won’t be any.
  15. No lit­tle man, peddling.
  16. Remove the contents.
  17. Separate them onto a table.
  18. Label them.
  19. Before doing this, you should remove the cat or mis­cel­la­neous pet from the room; pet dan­der is mur­der on watches.
  20. Now take all the pieces and weigh them separately.
  21. Note the weights.
  22. Weigh the watch cas­ing as well, and the band.
  23. Add the weights.
  24. You’ll find that added together, the dis­man­tled watch is 3/4s of an ounce lighter than the whole watch.
  25. You’ve dis­cov­ered the soul.